they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
