I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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