Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
