You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
