Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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