I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
