i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
