She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
