The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
