So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
