So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
