2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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