Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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