you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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