I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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