Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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