That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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