I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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