I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
