I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
