I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize