Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
