Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
