oh my god i'm in a crawl space
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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