I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
