Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
