remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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