This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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