when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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