So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
