you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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