I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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