i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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