Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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