Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
