Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
