Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
