so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i out mim tonsoeep
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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