So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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