Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize