You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
