she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
