I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
