Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dick very happy bro
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
