I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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