I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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