I cannot find my penis.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
