I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
