I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
