I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex on a dog bed..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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