i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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