I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
