Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
