11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
