help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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