We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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