My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
