my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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