someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
