All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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