My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
