Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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