I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
