we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize