Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
