Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
