just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
