just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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