I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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