we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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