Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
