she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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