i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
