Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
